~lutrius

WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS IN HERE!
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU... CUZ I JUST DID!

CCHHOk... yesterday I went to go see 3 movies, they were HANCOCK, HELLBOY II, and THE DARK KNIGHT...

now I will criticize the hell out of these movies and give them a score of either or

so now in the immortal words of yahtzee GO TEAM RETARD

Hancock-
ok I didn't expect much from this movie seeing as it had indestructible drunks in a urban setting with barely any crime and such, but i did expect to be entertained. And I was entertained... for a little bit. You see the thing that makes me giggle like a tiny school girl in short skits and pigtails is the that ingenious placement of casual swear words, but after hearing the noun "asshole" (a*****e for those who bitch about swearing, except for knick who can bitch all he wants) for fifty-billion times I have to realize that I would rather hear Hancock be called something more witty, like bum-fluffer, or brown starfish clogger... ok, I guess asshole is the only term to describe him. Story is that, there is this guy with special power (flight and such) who tries to save a city for attention. (Bad Hancock, bad) Then there's this other guy who is an "expert" in public relations, and he gets stuck in the train tracks. Hancock saves PR, PR invites to diner with "normal" wife and goes to prison, (side note there is a lot of talk of putting peoples heads up other peoples asses) Then prison blah blah blah become super hero, blah blah bl-WAIT! Heres the high point... ready? ok turns out that the PR's wife is actually the SAME as Hancock... AND is more powerful then him... AND is his sister... AND his wife... and she saw him get amnesia, and that they were twins and every time they get close to each other they loose there powers and become MORTAL!!! (or something like that) Then everything else is just... bleh, it was like the ending, you see enough and find out how bad it is, but unbenounced to you there is a slipped clip in the ending credits... in which they say asshole... on the plus side there is a good bit of destruction and such and the camera was great, and did mention YouTube... which had half naked Willie Smith but all that aside what can I say?

even though it came close I have to say to this movie... Hurts the eyes don't it. But thats my word on it.

next up
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
I saw this after Hancock so my expectations were sub par at that moment, but Hellboy II did suffice. I enjoyed this movie as all fantasy action movies. (plus it had that one girl from Legally Blonde so I knew there would a GREAT bitchy character, I love bitches) Anywho this movie was all pretty and such, with Abe being all fishy and Red being all devilishly and all the human operatives dying, you know fun stuff. But the thing is, is that the story really got me down. The simple story is that Elves and Humans had a war, Elf king was losing so he had Goblin make Mecha Army (or was it troll, I can't remember) SO the king used army and killed hundreds of humans, but he felt remorse locked up army and split magical crown to control army in to three pieces one for daddy one for sissy and one for us, the Homo sapiens. Then Princy gets hold of the crown pieces and needs sissy to give last crown piece, blah blah blah, HELLBOY ADVENTURE, blah blah blah, MORE ADVENTURE, and so one til the end were they have the EPIC BATTLE!! HELLBOY vs PRINCY!!! SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY KIDS SEATS ONLY $5. But yea that's it, although if you like art (which would be 1, 2, 4, ALL OF YOU) then you should check it out, made by the guy who made pans labyrinth, but unfortunately he didn't WRITE it but if your like me, which for your sake you better not be or you'll live your life miserable and alone, you would prefer something a tinny but MO'
So all in all I say to this movie...
Only cuz elf lady was hot and Liz be prego.


and now finally
THE DARK KNIGHT
This movie is basically Batman Begins 2 but who's to judge, oh wait, that's right ME!! Any way first off I LOVE HEATHS PERFORMANCE!!! Its made me remember why I loved the joker, almost as much as I love Harley... who sadly wasn't in the movie. But seriously dude, it was an awesome movie. Best Superhero movie I've seen. And the fact that Batman is a NORMAL human being and kicks more ass is a plus on my side. K, the skinny is, Joker robs a bank... kills several people, and introduces Two-Face... Batman stops them... that's it... that's the story, but in this movie YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH STORY BECAUSE OF HOW AWESOME IT IS!!! I loved it, its all I can say, Its perfect, its ingenious, there's nothing I can say bad about it. EXCEPT... ... ...for the ending, Yes it was an orgasmic experience but the movie was (just like i prepared) like sex... its all good til you realized your not sterile. It ended abruptly and I wanted to cry not from holding my bladder for 2 goddamn hours but from the fact that the Joke-miester can't make a second appearance because he's still DEAD!
I don't even have to tell you!
MAKES MY INSIDES LIGHT UP LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!

Also after watching all those movies... i wanted to see Mama Mia... but I ran out of money... so consider yourself lucky Maryl Streep